Wednesday, April 15, 2015

My Angry Body

Sean: I am listening.


Sean: I hear you.

Body: WE HURT!

Sean: I hear you.


Sean: I thought you might.  I'm going to keep listening anyway.

Today, I lay in bed and rest.  Drink lots of water.  Eat as well as I can.  Sleep.  Sleep.  Sleep.

I cannot tell if this is "rest, you've got a lot coming," or, "rest, you did too much," but either way, I'm listening.

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Body over Mind

Why am I crying right now?

I feel like this is the time to put things in order before I fly away on my personal journey.  Leaving the US feels like escape.

My body is saying rest, but my mind is saying, "rush, rush, rush, so you can put this behind you."  I am listening to my body, but it is astonishingly hard.

Thank you, body, for speaking to me.  I'm listening ... even when the message isn't what I want to hear.

Listening with Deaf Ears

Today, I woke uncomfortable, aching and tired.  Oddly enough, my first thought past checking the time was, "what do I need?  I'm listening."  Unfortunately, I'm not hearing.

Throughout the day, I've stopped, collected myself, and tried to listen.  "What do I need?  What should I do?"  Still, I am not hearing.

Because it was necessary, I faced the downpour and fetched my passport, in shorts and a raincoat, often wading through the water between sidewalks.  Passport in hand, I tried to take stock of what I needed.  Getting nothing, I procured lunch to go, and went back to the hotel room.

This afternoon, I've been working, engaged with people, and not getting much time for myself.  I've steadily worsened to a painful headache and a cough that makes it much worse.  Still trying to listen.  Still not hearing.

I'm off my last call.  I've taken a break.  I am listening.  I need better food than I know how to find from my hotel room.  I need water - not soda, water.  I need rest.

I'll take a hot bath, and see where I am.  If I can muster up enough energy, I think I'm a 10 minute walk from Rouses, a Louisiana grocery chain.  Maybe I can find some edible, raw vegetables there.  Then, I think I'll take the evening off, with a goal of being asleep by 10 pm, if not earlier.

I am listening.  I am open to listening.  I hear I am sick.  I'll do what I can to recover.

Monday, April 13, 2015

Accepting Limitations

Today, listening is taking the form of hearing my body say it is exhausted and strained from the abuse it took in the weather this morning, and not going back out into the rain to explore, or wander, or play.

Instead, I'm staying in, recuperating, and practicing some active rest.

Sunday, April 12, 2015

I Am.

I'm starting a new practice today.  This is the basis for my personal work, and provides the much needed groundwork for self improvement and progress.  The practice is thus:

Every day, do something specifically to listen to myself.  Whatever that thing is, document it.

Today, April 12, 2015, I listened to my resistance and with tremendous assistance, arrived at a practice I feel no resistance to.  I felt my disconnection from self, my self denial, and I responded, "I am."